Captain Wattle
Peter Tranchell's adaptation and arrangement of a song with words and music by Charles Dibdin, c. 1790. This score is not present in the Cambridge University Library's holdings of the Tranchell archive.
Lyrics
Did you ever hear of Captain Wattle?
He was all for love, and a little for the bottle;
We know not, tho' we have tried to enquire,
if he ever did aught to set the Thames on fire:
Did he find the tree on which Macaroni may be grown?
Did he prove how to cure the Philosopher's Stone?
Did he learn his eggs from Bacon, or his onions from Boyle?
Get his key from Locke? Or expand from Hoyle?
No!
For your information, this is all we could learn:
That he loved Miss Roe, and she loved him in return.
That he loved her loved her loved her loved her
loved her loved her loved her loved her loved her loved her
he loved her and she loved him in return.
Ah! Yes, he loved Miss Roe, and she loved him in return.
Than sweet Miss Roe none e'er looked fiercer.
She had only one eye but that one eye was a piercer.
We sought for news of her life and upbringing:
Did she write, or mend stockings, or like hymn-singing?
Did she cook Sunday dinner with a steak on the coals?
Did she fight for women's rights on the score that they have souls?
Did she know about investments?
Did she fall for Paris modes?
Did she ride a horse, yet keep death off the roads?
No!
For your satisfaction this is all you may learn:
That she loved Captain Wattle and he loved her in return.
They were wedded, and he was master, depend on't!
Tho' he'd only one leg, he'd a foot upon the end on't.
And when she'd fain seize the governmental bridle,
he took special care that foot should never lie idle.
So like ev'ry married pair 'twas "O Plague!" or "My dear chicken!"
With sometimes a-kissing, and sometimes a-kicking!
The the cordial for comfort she'd now and then try,
made her pie-eyed or dry-eyed, or have a good cry.
And this fact of the couple is the most we can learn:
when he kicked Miss Roe, she kicked him in return.
When he kicked her kicked her kicked her kicked her
kicked her kicked her kicked her kicked her
kicked her kicked her When he kicked her,
She kicked him in return!
Ah!
When he kicked Miss Roe, she kicked him in return.
Various versions of the original (sources not recorded):
